


Caricature

by terma_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Deliberate Badfic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-01
Updated: 1999-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:33:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26498680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terma_archivist/pseuds/terma_archivist
Summary: Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atTER/MAand was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address onthe TER/MA collection profile.TER/MA September 1999 Challenge. It is time to have some fun.  This is one everybody is capable of doing, I think.  Even the best writers among us.  *g* So, we all read a lot of slash, right?  And we have all run across stories or mistakes so bad, we groan in misery and wonder what the hell the writer was thinking.  We all have little terms and pet peeves we hate to see in stories. Well this month's challenge is to write badfic.  I want to see stories that make me laugh they are so dreadful.  I want weeping manpoles, pendulous nutbags, winking puckered starfish of love, glistening bosoms...wait—that is the wrong genre.  If you mean you're, I want your.  Two,to and too can come and go at will.  Go find the worst mistakes you can , and write a story which includes them.  Whatever you do, DONT beta.  Write it at 5 in the morning after drinking 5 cups of expresso and not sleeping for 48 hours.  Or write it after having 18 shots of tequilla (or the poison of your choice). Whatever doesn't work for you.  Make it so dreadful, you can't read it without hanging your head in mock shame. And above all, have fun with it... --- OK, word of warning here.  These are really dreadful.  All are NC-17 for really bad taste.  If you looking for a good read, go elsewhere.**September challenge: Bad Fiction** WARNING: Bad..really, really bad fiction SPOILERS: NONE that I know of RATING: NC 17 PAIRINGS: M/K DISCLAIMERS: Uh.... you can keep this version AUTHOR: Okay I'll claim it.....Osianna NOTES: This is my first time writing any kind of fic ..let alone bad fic ..so don't hold this against me!! Please!? ARCHIVE: ONLY Terma If there was Award for this I'd probably get it...prepare to cringe... **September challenge: Bad Fiction**
Relationships: Alex Krycek/Fox Mulder
Collections: TER/MA





	Caricature

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [TER/MA](https://fanlore.org/wiki/TER/MA) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the TER/MA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/terma/profile).  
> TER/MA September 1999 Challenge. It is time to have some fun. This is one everybody is capable of doing, I think. Even the best writers among us. *g* So, we all read a lot of slash, right? And we have all run across stories or mistakes so bad, we groan in misery and wonder what the hell the writer was thinking. We all have little terms and pet peeves we hate to see in stories. Well this month's challenge is to write badfic. I want to see stories that make me laugh they are so dreadful. I want weeping manpoles, pendulous nutbags, winking puckered starfish of love, glistening bosoms...wait—that is the wrong genre. If you mean you're, I want your. Two,to and too can come and go at will. Go find the worst mistakes you can , and write a story which includes them. Whatever you do, DONT beta. Write it at 5 in the morning after drinking 5 cups of expresso and not sleeping for 48 hours. Or write it after having 18 shots of tequilla (or the poison of your choice). Whatever doesn't work for you. Make it so dreadful, you can't read it without hanging your head in mock shame. And above all, have fun with it... --- OK, word of warning here. These are really dreadful. All are NC-17 for really bad taste. If you looking for a good read, go elsewhere.   
> **September challenge: Bad Fiction** WARNING: Bad..really, really bad fiction SPOILERS: NONE that I know of RATING: NC 17 PAIRINGS: M/K DISCLAIMERS: Uh.... you can keep this version AUTHOR: Okay I'll claim it.....Osianna NOTES: This is my first time writing any kind of fic ..let alone bad fic ..so don't hold this against me!! Please!? ARCHIVE: ONLY Terma If there was Award for this I'd probably get it...prepare to cringe... **September challenge: Bad Fiction**

Go to notes and disclaimers 

  
**Caricature  
by Osi**

  
As Mulder entered his apartment and felt a presence he immeadly knew it was Alex Krcheck. Never mind it could have been one of many people that wanted to kkidnapp and torture him. 

"You KIlled my father and Sculyies sister you ratbasterdassholecocksuckingmotherf uckingasswipesonofabitch.......motherfuckingratbastardyou!" Muder immeadly screams. 

"Oh brother" is all Alec has time so say as Mueller immeadly began beating the shit out of him. 

" Fox...Fox.." Alex repeats breaking Mulda from his concentrated assault."Okay, I've had my required ritual brutalization. Can we fuck now ? I 'm honier than a fly on a bulls sticky ass." 

As Mulder gazed in to Alex's beautiful sea-green eyes ...no ..no sparkiling emerald jade ....no..twinkling hazal-green... wait... lumiscent green-gray...or maybe turquiose..no... teal green.. shit .....how about pond-water fucking green eyes. He felt desire spark. He immeadly threw Kricek to the ground and pushed his glistening 9'inch cock at Krcheck hot hole. 

"Wait!" Wait! Kycheck screeches " What the fuck happened to my clothes?? I 'm fucking nakid!!" 

"Who cares" Muder yells back and again precedes to push his meaty 9 and a half inch and growing cock into the puckered opening. 

" Wait " Krycheck screeches again 

" Krcheck, I'm gonna hit you on principle" Mullder growls 

" Lube ..we need lube" Kycheck states and precedes to pull out his 5 lbs traveller's size convenience carry ' for those days when you''re feeling dry' KY Liquid . 

" Oh my love stud, I almost forgot...I could have hurt you... I'm so sorry .I am a knave, A souless fiend. I will rid you of my foul presense."Muder whispers with dejected agony and pulls his gun from his shoulder holster and places against his temple " I am not fit to live, I- 

"Oh can it, Mulder!! I do not have time for your fucking insatiable guilt!! I'm trying to get fucked here!" Krycheck exclaims in frustration. 

"Hey! I wasn't finished with my literary composition in the form of a tragic soliloquy" Muldar declared in annoyance" I've been practicing that monologe for a bloody week!!" 

" Practice on _this!!_ "Krychik demanded and grabbed his cock with his two fingers. 

As Mullder gazed a Krycheck 2 inch pole, he felt a wave of tenderness. While the cock was no longer than a pinky finger the head was the size of a plump tennis ball making it look like a wilted top-heavy mushroom on steroids. 

"Oh love nuts, you are like a spring breeze on a hot summers day "Mullder annouced with frenzied passion. " 

Aroused w/ white—hot desire Muder kissed Krcheck with bold demanding passion. Tongues dueled in moisted carvarans .The kiss was hard and commandng .Krchek lips trembled and shivered in fear as the bold oh so masculine Muder pludered his moisted depths and swallowed his achingly sweet soft cry.Krcheck tremble in with timidity at his first kiss. His aching womanhood became moisted with esctasy. His bosoms heaved in virginal passion.....oh shit ..wait.... wrong story......... 

As Kychek gazed into Mulder's brilliant hazel-emarald eyes..no ...glimmering chesnut green-blue...no.. aw...the hell with it.... fucking diarrhea green-brown eyes. Krcheck cock thrumed like roaring engine .His pulsing cock weeped like a leaky faucet." Oh Fox, baby.. now! Now!! "Alec cryed in agitatation 

Mullder pushed his 10 inch automatically lubed condom-free cock at Kycheck hot knob of love. 

"OH! YES!! FUCK! Harder..ohhhhh HARDER baby ..That's it baby! Just like That!!" Alex roared in esctasy 

" Alex....ALEX !!" Mulder interupted Krychck's bashee howl 

"What?" Kycheck demanded in irratation. "I'm on a roll here!" 

"I haven't even got in yet!!" Muder yells in anger " That's fucking WHAT!!" 

" oh ....Well, what the fuck are you waiting for ??" Alec shoutsback in bafflement "We got a schedulle to keep!" 

"Just shut the fuck up you ratbastardmotherfucker and bring that vigorious hairless, rippling muscled pilliar of insaitable strentgh able-bodied... (and did I say hairless ?) flesh of masculinity back over here and kneel before your god!" 

"Oh fuck yeah Mulder! You the MAN baby!! "Allex quivered in excitement 

Mudler once again positioned his 11 and a half inch man tool at Alec heated rosebud and slowly pushed into that tunnel of love. 

" Finally...." Muder moaned in esctasy. " Oh yea—" 

" I see you started without me" a deep voice interuptes the moment of passion 

"What the Fuck!?" squeaks a startled Mulder " Skinner!?!" 

"Skinner !!" Kryceck happily yells and immeadly throws himself into his arms" Where the hell have you been. I've been trying to keep Mr. Expanding Cock here occupied for as long as I could ." 

" What the hell is going on hear!!!" Muder demanded." Krycheck youtraitorousrat—bastardmotherfuckingassharecocksuckingbitch—" 

Muleder is startled into silence as a whip cracks over head " Mulder, it time you learn control, its time for you to learn discipline." Skinner calmly speaks "And I'm gonna to teach it to you. 

" Oh fuck ..here we go with this shit again".Muder rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Skinner you need a fucking hobby and Who in the hell let you in here? If you haven't noticed this M/K fan fiction ..... 

" Actually its centered around Krycheck..." interrupts Alex "...and whomever I decide to fuck—" 

" Shut the hell up motherfuckingratbastard" Muelder shouts " ....as I was saying I do not want or need a daddy. What the fuck is wiht that shit anyway!!! Do u like gettin your ass spanked?? Hell no!! so why the fuck would I ?? And while were on the subject why the hell am I allways on the bottom when we fuck. I sure you could do with a good pounding every once in a while Skiner.....Skinner?" 

Skinker gazed at Muder with dazed stupified amazement " My god you beautiful when your angry. Muilder..You lips....Your lips are like the two ripe melon—" 

" What!!?? Did you here a fucking word I said—" Muder screeched. 

" Mulder you out of character... " Shaking out of his stuper Sinner demands "Kneel and worship the alter of Eros" 

" Oh fuck, if it gets you out of hear any faster...and then I can really fuck my one true love noodle" says Muder as he get down on his knees and unzipps Skinner slacks. Dizzy at the sudden pain in his head and fealing like he had been hit with a ton of bricks Mulder woozily falls to the floor . 

"What the fuck did you hit me for!!??" Muder whines in misery he gazed up at Skinner blushing face. 

"I-I guess I should have warned you...." Skinner gestured downward in embrassment Mulder gaped up in astonishment at the glistening mammoth 17" inch man tool bobbing in over his head' 

"Oh Fuck no!! You are not fucking me with that..that..thing!! Alex!!!" Mudler yelled. "Get your shitt and let's go! " 

"Where are we are goi—" Alec askes. 

"Who fucking cares!! I not staying here to be ploughed by fucking Derby Dick here!!" Mulder belowed in irriation. " Let's _go_ Alex!" 

"But—" Skinner protested 

" Don't you say a fuckikng word " Muder yelled as he bypassed Skinner . 

Grabbing Alex he jerked him out the door. 

" But...." Skinner protested again to the empty room 

Mulder went to Scullies apartment. Angry by Muder and Alec's tale of Long John Skinner she immeadly forgave Alecfor killing her sister. MUlder and Alex moved in with Scully.. They had a three way marriage and lived happily ever affter. 

The Fucking End...... Thank GOD!!! 

* * *

**September challenge: Bad Fiction**   
WARNING: Bad..really, really bad fiction   
SPOILERS: NONE that I know of   
RATING: NC 17   
PAIRINGS: M/K   
DISCLAIMERS: Uh.... you can keep this version   
AUTHOR: Okay I'll claim it.....Osianna   
NOTES: This is my first time writing any kind of fic ..let alone bad fic ..so don't hold this against me!! Please!?   
ARCHIVE: ONLY Terma   
If there was Award for this I'd probably get it...prepare to cringe...   
**September challenge: Bad Fiction**   
---


End file.
